once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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