there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
