This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
