plz talk dirty to me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
