my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
