Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
