Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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