I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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