her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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