god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
