Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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