I swear she didn't look like that last week.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
