We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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