i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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