is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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