I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
