I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
