Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
