I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
