with your own penis?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
