I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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