Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
