Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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