There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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