Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
