i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
