He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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