1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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