The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
