I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
