Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Come share oat with me in your robe
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
