Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
