i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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