Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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