She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
