haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
