: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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