"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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