I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
