his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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