I wanna passion pit in your ass
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
