If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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