Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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