I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
