I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
