I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
