On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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