Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
