Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
