Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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