There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
