woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
